Have you ever stayed in a job just a little too long? Ignored your restlessness? Here’s how you do it.
Staying too long usually begins with some great experiences: Good people, opportunity and challenge, maybe some interesting travel. But you keep growing and changing—and maybe your company doesn’t grow and change in the same direction or depth. So you get a little uneasy and restless, and you start thinking about the whats and wheres and hows of your next steps. But you’re stubborn and loyal. So you decide to stay a little bit longer, trying several strategies over a period of months or even years.
Speaking from experience, I stubbornly tried the following strategies in my own staying-a-little-to-long-in-a-job phase several years ago. In retrospect, they were each necessary and refining in my own desires and process.
1. I questioned myself. “Come on Patty! Just comply with the way this place works.”
2. I tweaked my responsibilities. I found ways to spend more of my time doing the parts of the job I was still excited about.
3. I tried to keep learning skills and depth of character—even in the face of things that I was having a hard time reconciling.
4. And I tried just making other parts of my life better and richer so that I could demand less of my work hours.
Though each of those strategies was useful for a time, none was a permanent fix. In the final year or so I began to find ways to respect and pay attention to my restlessness in some new ways. Then I began to turn my stubbornness towards my own next steps which included leaving graciously and entering a new chapter of my life’s work.
If you can relate, or if you have questions, I invite you to join this month’s SeattleCoach Conference Call.
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Quote of the Month
In a Norwegian fairy tale, a hero comes to a crossroads where there are three signs. The first sign says, “He who travels down this road will return unharmed and unchanged.” The second says, “He who travels this path has the option of returning, and may or may not returned unharmed and unchanged.” The third sign says, “He who travels here will never return and will most assuredly be profoundly changed.”
Which road would you choose this month?
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Patty, I love the way you’ve laid out these strategies. I remember all too well struggling through some of these while in positions I couldn’t seem to let go of. What do you think are the main reasons we have such a hard time letting go, even when we’re not having a good time anymore?
We stay for both practical and impractical reasons.
The practical ones include:
Need for an income
Dedication to the value you bring to the job and the larger organization
Friendships we value
Opportunities that we hope will arrive when the economy gets better
Our optimism that says we will come to a new better place by hanging in there
Some of the impractical reasons are:
Fear of the unknown
Lack of faith in our ability to live with the abiguity of stepping outside the frame of our “job” or position
The need for a work “place” – think of this as the Cheers Syndrome – everyone knows your name, what you do, what you bring..etc.
We will never work again if we leave this job
How will we explain this transition on our resume?
The economy is so bad we won’t find anything as good…and could end up in an even worst job situation
Thinking the situation will get better when this person leaves or that person is transferred
Hanging on for the possibility of advancement into another job that is a better fit
Tenure, benefits, retirement
These categories are not all inclusive…it would be interesting to hear from others on this topic.